Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category

Lately I’ve become convinced that it matters very little what you teach kids, so long as you have a good answer as to why you are teaching your kids. Now, I’m not saying that teaching evil or foolishness to your kids is ok (it’s not), but I think parents spend a lot of time debating over which right things they should be teaching. The answer to that question, I believe, is to intentionally teach them what you want them to become. If you want them to be financially free, focus your teaching on money. If you want them to be kind, teach them compassion. If smart, then knowledge. If creative, then art or music. You get the picture.

The problem is, we want our kids to be all of these things, so we don’t intentionally prioritize anything. We give them heavy doses of everything and they become exceptional at nothing. I realize there is a balance and that well-rounded exposure is important, but how many of us have certain traits we are intentionally instilling in our children?

For my wife and I, we decided intentional parenting means just that, being intentional!  For the past month, we’ve been working on developing a series of values we want our family to be defined by. We are actively hashing out whether it is more important for our children to be intelligent or passionate, loyal or honest, compassionate or hard-working. We realize there are no right answers to many of these questions, but we believe there can be a prioritization in our family. So we have set out on a journey to establish the priorities of our home. To be intentional about what our kids value and what they could’t care less about. In this way, we not only learn what we need to be emphasizing but also what we should be intentionally downplaying. These discussions have been an incredible intentionality exercise with the potential for long-lasting impact on our family.

As we work to finalize the last few concepts, we are also developing a family crest that pictorially emphasizes our priorities as a family. We hope for it to to be a source of inspiration for ourselves and our children for decades to come.

In fact, we have already started reaping the incredible benefit from sowing intentional thoughts, prayers, and discussions into our family.

May God richly bless you and yours as you seek His will for your family!

Being intentional,

Curtis

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I’ve been contemplating a question my kids ask me almost every day – why do I work?
 

Since they’re still little (5, 4 & 3) , I started off by answering the question by saying I work to make money.  A week later they asked, “why do you need to make money?”  I told I had to make money to pay for the house we live in and the car we drive.  These answers were acceptable to them… for a little while.

A few weeks later when I was leaving for work, they asked me why I had to go.  I told them if I didn’t work, they wouldn’t have the toys that they like so much, or the iPad they are enthralled with.  I wanted to make it more personal for them so they could understand the complexities of adult life.

After thinking about it for awhile, I just realized I have it all wrong.  Why didn’t I tell them I work because I love what I do?  Why didn’t I take the opportunity to talk about providing for my family because I love them?

By emphasizing money and possessions, I pre-conditioned them to the notion that work=money, and money=happiness.  By avoiding the explanation of why work is truly important, I missed an opportunity and unintentionally started them on a path that often leads to selfishness and materialism.

We must be good stewards of the teachable moments we have with our children.  They will soon grow up and those fleeting moments will vanish… leaving in their wake a foundation they will stand on for the rest of their lives.

Image(1):  Truthout.org under Creative Commons
Image(2):  agitprop under Creative Commons

The word “kaleo” pronounced “kal-eh’-o,” means “to be called.” It references the inner workings of our hearts and souls as they point us in a direction that is unique to each of us individually. Over the past few weeks, I have been teaching a series to the high school students in my youth group about the callings that God has placed on all of our lives.

While most of us spend a significant amount of time trying to figure out what makes us unique and special, we often neglect the generic callings that God has placed upon all of us – compassion, generosity, serving, and discipleship.

Given my current situation, I think it’s time for me to go back to the basics. Maybe your life is in a similar state of confusion and disarray. Let’s both start from scratch.

My first ‘kaleo’ is to God, my second is to my wife, and my third is to my children… so I’m going to start there.

My relationship with God has been consistent but somewhat dull over the past few years. I have been faithful and steadfast, but it has lacked the passion and fervor that it once had. The fire that is “shut up in my bones” in the words of the prophet Jeremiah, needs to be stoked.

My marriage has become stronger than ever while going through all of this. Heather has been my rock and an incredible support as I’ve been a roller coaster of emotion over the past few weeks. Now our relationship needs to be protected, guarded, and nurtured as we enter this next phase of life.

My parenting skills always seem to be lacking. If you’re a parent, I’m sure you understand that feeling… the never-ending struggle between the quantity of quality time and the quality of quantity time. This area can definitely use some work.

Interesting that all of my primary callings are relationships. Perhaps God first calls each of us to be relational…

What has God called YOU to?

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Because leadership doesn’t happen in a vacuum or only in a boardroom, this blog will discuss a wider variety of leadership topics, and parenting is one of them.  As a leader, I am passionate about the application of leadership principles, and I believe that our homes are the greatest leadership laboratories that we have available.  Before learning to lead anyone else, I must first learn to lead my own family well.

I heard a discussion on the radio this morning about a radio host’s 7-year-old son who was dealing with verbal bashing by bullies at school. Now, conventional wisdom says that we must fight back and defend ourselves, but is that what the Bible says?

I was surprised by the number of Christian callers (even one of the hosts!) who couldn’t get past the idea of “an eye for an eye.”  They talked about “standing up for yourself” and “teaching the bullies a lesson.”  But that’s not what I recall Jesus advocating when He was here on earth.

In the Garden of Gethsemane when He was being betrayed, Simon Peter tried to defend Him by cutting off the high priest’s ear with a sword; but Jesus rebuked him and allowed himself to be taken.  He allowed himself to be beaten, whipped, and spat upon without any response (even though it was clearly within His power to do so).

Jesus demonstrated a leadership skill that is greater than self-defense.  He demonstrated restraint.

I have to give props to Steve from M88 for sticking with his argument that Jesus would turn the other cheek. He wouldn’t back down from the fact that he was teaching his son to do the same.

When asked how many times we should forgive our brothers when they offend us, Jesus answered, “70 times 7″ (read ‘indefinitely’).  There is no point at which we should stop forgiving and start taking revenge.

Jesus said that we will be hated because of Him.  Why are so we surprised when we’re hated?

As a father, I must teach my children that our response to sin should not mirror the response of the world.  They need to learn that the paradigms that constitute “normal” in our society are not the same paradigms that we live by.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic…