Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

Lately I’ve become convinced that it matters very little what you teach kids, so long as you have a good answer as to why you are teaching your kids. Now, I’m not saying that teaching evil or foolishness to your kids is ok (it’s not), but I think parents spend a lot of time debating over which right things they should be teaching. The answer to that question, I believe, is to intentionally teach them what you want them to become. If you want them to be financially free, focus your teaching on money. If you want them to be kind, teach them compassion. If smart, then knowledge. If creative, then art or music. You get the picture.

The problem is, we want our kids to be all of these things, so we don’t intentionally prioritize anything. We give them heavy doses of everything and they become exceptional at nothing. I realize there is a balance and that well-rounded exposure is important, but how many of us have certain traits we are intentionally instilling in our children?

For my wife and I, we decided intentional parenting means just that, being intentional!  For the past month, we’ve been working on developing a series of values we want our family to be defined by. We are actively hashing out whether it is more important for our children to be intelligent or passionate, loyal or honest, compassionate or hard-working. We realize there are no right answers to many of these questions, but we believe there can be a prioritization in our family. So we have set out on a journey to establish the priorities of our home. To be intentional about what our kids value and what they could’t care less about. In this way, we not only learn what we need to be emphasizing but also what we should be intentionally downplaying. These discussions have been an incredible intentionality exercise with the potential for long-lasting impact on our family.

As we work to finalize the last few concepts, we are also developing a family crest that pictorially emphasizes our priorities as a family. We hope for it to to be a source of inspiration for ourselves and our children for decades to come.

In fact, we have already started reaping the incredible benefit from sowing intentional thoughts, prayers, and discussions into our family.

May God richly bless you and yours as you seek His will for your family!

Being intentional,

Curtis

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I was talking to my wife Heather the other day and I asked her what a woman looks for in a man regarding his outward appearance. Her answer surprised me. Instead of the expected physical characteristics that most guys try to improve about themselves in the gym (six-pack, chest, biceps, triceps, etc), she said… “no girl wants a peacock.” Wait… what?

She went on to explain that there are physical characteristics that women appreciate about a man, but there is no greater turnoff than a man who flaunts himself. I immediately recalled a guy in the gym the other day who was grunting and groaning like he was being mercilessly tortured, and these women nearby who were blatantly repressing their laughter. Hmm…

So what about all those girls that seem genuinely attracted to ‘peacocks’? My conclusion… those girl are not worth trying to impress. Here’s why…

If a girl is more interested in your body than she is with your mind or your heart, she’s not worth your time. I give this advice to girls all the time; but since guys often think visually, the advice isn’t as intuitive for us. A guy thinks that if he can just improve his physical appearance, he’ll be better with the ladies and they will overlook his character flaws. Do you want a woman that overlooks your character flaws? I don’t! I want someone that has a high standard for what she is looking for in a man. I want someone who will not settle for a mediocre husband.

Do I still hit the gym to impress my wife? Absolutely! After improving my health and lowering stress, that is one of my primary motivations for working out. But I now realize that I can’t let it get in the way of developing my character.

Lastly, I have learned that women don’t just want to be impressed… they want to be loved.

No matter how good I look or how nice I am, Heather needs to know that I care about her more than I care about myself. And if I love her the way she deserves, the rest is just details.

Image: ezioman under CC BY 2.0

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The word “kaleo” pronounced “kal-eh’-o,” means “to be called.” It references the inner workings of our hearts and souls as they point us in a direction that is unique to each of us individually. Over the past few weeks, I have been teaching a series to the high school students in my youth group about the callings that God has placed on all of our lives.

While most of us spend a significant amount of time trying to figure out what makes us unique and special, we often neglect the generic callings that God has placed upon all of us – compassion, generosity, serving, and discipleship.

Given my current situation, I think it’s time for me to go back to the basics. Maybe your life is in a similar state of confusion and disarray. Let’s both start from scratch.

My first ‘kaleo’ is to God, my second is to my wife, and my third is to my children… so I’m going to start there.

My relationship with God has been consistent but somewhat dull over the past few years. I have been faithful and steadfast, but it has lacked the passion and fervor that it once had. The fire that is “shut up in my bones” in the words of the prophet Jeremiah, needs to be stoked.

My marriage has become stronger than ever while going through all of this. Heather has been my rock and an incredible support as I’ve been a roller coaster of emotion over the past few weeks. Now our relationship needs to be protected, guarded, and nurtured as we enter this next phase of life.

My parenting skills always seem to be lacking. If you’re a parent, I’m sure you understand that feeling… the never-ending struggle between the quantity of quality time and the quality of quantity time. This area can definitely use some work.

Interesting that all of my primary callings are relationships. Perhaps God first calls each of us to be relational…

What has God called YOU to?

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