Archive for April, 2011

Where there’s people, there’s poop!

Posted: 29 April, 2011 in Personal Development
Tags: , ,
2

If you haven’t already done so, I recommend that you [SUBSCRIBE] to the blog in the left side bar for a faster and easier way to see when new blogs are posted.

My last post talked about my calling or “kaleo” in life being primarily focused on relationships.  So… instead of creating a superfluous soliloquy about the way things should be, I decided to take a few days off from my blog and try it in real life.

It sucked.

The theory is MUCH simpler than the practice.

I’ve spent countless hours over the past decade… going to school, reading books, reading blogs, learning leadership principles, etc… and today, I realized that without real-life application, all those leadership theories are just that… theories.

So where did I go wrong?

First, I failed to create a palpable action plan.

After my last post I thought, “now I’ll say NO to stuff” and “spend more time with God and with my family.”

I understood the WHAT

I even got the WHY

But I failed to think about the HOW!  Without the HOW… all I had was good motives.

I was banking on God seeing my heart and being pleased with my attitude.  I was hopeful that my wife would sense that I loved her and everything would naturally progress.  I expected my kids to appreciate my efforts and cherish our moments together.

It didn’t work…

Second, I failed to realize that ‘kaleo’ could also be known as ‘blood, sweat, and tears.’  

I didn’t expect this journey to be easy, but I thought that kaleo sounded so cool!  So fun!  So challenging!  I definitely believe that it is all those things, but I also think that it’s much more.  It’s fear.. it’s risk… it’s joy… it’s peace… it’s suffering… all wrapped up into one.

When we pursue the kaleo that God has given us, we are on the narrow path!  ”For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”**

I know of very few narrow paths that are smooth and straight.  They are windy, curvy, bumpy, and uncomfortable.  As a mountain biker, it’s easy to bike on open dirt roads… but it’s not that exciting.  The excitement happens when you’re in the backcountry… ducking trees and navigating hairpin turns… constantly on the verge of compelete and utter disaster!

That’s the kind of path that I want my relationships to be on!

Lastly, I failed to realize my own naiveté.  Has that ever happened to anybody else?  You think that you know something… but then as you get to know it better, you suddenly realize how little you knew about how much you didn’t know!

I have a friend named Grant Clark that interacts with a wide variety of people on a daily basis.  One of my favorite quotes from him is… “where there’s people, there’s poop.”

Relationships are inherently messy!

If our relationships with other people are messy, why is it that we think our relationship with God is going to be spotless?!?  God wants us, IN SPITE OF our mess!  He literally knows EVERYTHING, but yet we constantly try to convince Him that we’re something that we’re not!

Stop it!

If you spend your time with God in the mindset that HE KNOWS EVERYTHING, your relationship will know no bounds!  It will be free to develop and mature in complete sincerity and confidence.

And if you let that authenticity overflow into your natural relationships, the relational portion of your kaleo will be clarified and you will find the narrow path you’ve been looking for.

More to come… including palpable plans and attempts to conquer my greatest kaleo – relationships.

**Matthew 7:13-14

Related Posts
Time to Start Over
Clean Slate
Kaleo: The Calling

Kaleo: The Calling

Posted: 25 April, 2011 in Marriage, Parenting, Personal Development
Tags: , ,
2

The word “kaleo” pronounced “kal-eh’-o,” means “to be called.” It references the inner workings of our hearts and souls as they point us in a direction that is unique to each of us individually. Over the past few weeks, I have been teaching a series to the high school students in my youth group about the callings that God has placed on all of our lives.

While most of us spend a significant amount of time trying to figure out what makes us unique and special, we often neglect the generic callings that God has placed upon all of us – compassion, generosity, serving, and discipleship.

Given my current situation, I think it’s time for me to go back to the basics. Maybe your life is in a similar state of confusion and disarray. Let’s both start from scratch.

My first ‘kaleo’ is to God, my second is to my wife, and my third is to my children… so I’m going to start there.

My relationship with God has been consistent but somewhat dull over the past few years. I have been faithful and steadfast, but it has lacked the passion and fervor that it once had. The fire that is “shut up in my bones” in the words of the prophet Jeremiah, needs to be stoked.

My marriage has become stronger than ever while going through all of this. Heather has been my rock and an incredible support as I’ve been a roller coaster of emotion over the past few weeks. Now our relationship needs to be protected, guarded, and nurtured as we enter this next phase of life.

My parenting skills always seem to be lacking. If you’re a parent, I’m sure you understand that feeling… the never-ending struggle between the quantity of quality time and the quality of quantity time. This area can definitely use some work.

Interesting that all of my primary callings are relationships. Perhaps God first calls each of us to be relational…

What has God called YOU to?

Related Posts
Time to Start Over
Clean Slate

Clean Slate

Posted: 24 April, 2011 in Personal Development
Tags: , ,
0

Yesterday I posted about the end of a dream. When I got the news of my disapproval on Friday, I was frustrated, disappointed, and altogether weary.

Thank God that today is a new day!

And of all the days of the year…today is Easter! A day of remembrance, a day of joy, a day of celebration!

I can’t help but sense the irony in the death of my dreams on Good Friday. We use that day to commemorate the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who gave up His life so that we could live.

While I suffered the pain of rejection, He suffered the pain of my sins.

While I felt the blows of resentment and disappointment, He felt the blows of fists and whips.

While I bore the weight of an undetermined future, He bore the weight of humanity.

I can’t even fathom the depths of His grief as He single-handedly bridged the gap between life and death for all mankind.

My issues are negligible in light of his sacrifice.

But that’s not the end of the story…

Today, we celebrate His resurrection!

He didn’t stay dead… and neither will my dreams.

While very little has changed externally since about a month ago, my mind and my heart need some serious spring cleaning. I am now in a season of re-prioritization, of re-focus, of re-evaluation.

As I contemplated a future with seemingly limitless options, I gave myself the freedom to analyze who God has truly called me to be. I realized that many of the choices I had made were based on misplaced responsibility and obligation. I felt like I couldn’t say no. And by saying yes to so many things, I was unconsciously saying no to opportunities that I didn’t even know existed because I was too busy to notice.

So, my current task is to wipe my slate clean. I’ve already cleared off a few extracurriculars, but there’s still more I need to get rid of. I plan to say no to anything additional unless it specifically aligns with the calling that God has laid on my heart. I plan to create margin in every area of my life – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual… and in doing so, I hope to become the man that God created me to be.

Here’s to a clean slate just waiting to be written on…

The possibilities are, yet again, limitless…

Time to Start Over

Posted: 23 April, 2011 in Personal Development, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,
10

For the past 4 weeks I have been waiting in anticipation…

A month ago, I submitted an application to voluntarily separate from the Air Force.  The criteria for eligibility was extensive, but I was surprised to find that I met all of the requirements.  I was given two weeks to decide whether I wanted to stay in or get out.

Staying in… financial stability, a job that I enjoy, and long-term security.

Getting out… risk, no job, and pursuing my dreams.

I chose Option B.

Almost immediately, I started to dream bigger than I ever have before.  I started this blog as an outlet for my passion.  I met with potential business and ministry partners.  We looked into selling our house.  We looked into where we might live and what we might do.  We were standing on the precipice of the unknown and couldn’t wait to make the leap.

My application was immediately approved by my Commander.  It was then signed by the Wing Commander and sent to the AF Personnel Center for processing.  The additional duties that I had were given away to other people in expectation of my departure.  I had difficulty focusing at work in anticipation of the final decision.  The decision was delayed…

First 1 week, then 2… then 4.  i couldn’t even think straight, I wanted to know so bad.  The life I had known since I was 18 years old was about to be radically changed forever!

Then I received this in an email this morning:

Subject: Voluntary Separation Application DISAPPROVED
This is to inform you that HQ AFPC has disapproved the voluntary separation application submitted by CPT MARSHALL, CURTIS T.

What!?!

But what about my plans?

I fasted!  I prayed!

I believed by faith that this was the end of my of my Air Force career, and that God had other things in store for me and my family!

…DISAPPROVED…

I still can’t believe it.  That word still hangs in my mind like a storm cloud threatening to pour down anger and bitterness into my normally joyful heart.

So now what?

Now, it’s time to start over…

My very last prayer before I found out the results was: “God, if this doesn’t work out, please don’t take away the dreams that have been birthed in my heart over the past few weeks. Please fulfill the stirring in my soul that has made me feel so alive…”

And that is where I stand… with a great, stable job… and a broken spirit.

Time to make some lemonade…

Hitting your Stride

Posted: 20 April, 2011 in Leadership, Running, Speaking
Tags: , , ,
1

As this blog develops, there are a couple other disciplines I am passionate about that I will be discussing regularly. One is the art of speaking. The other is the art of running. In a recent conversation with a friend, these two topics collided in a discussion that intrigued me as I pondered the relationship between the two. In both disciplines, you start off choppy, disjointed, and out of sync. But after a time, you eventually hit your stride. Your body relaxes, your mind focuses, and your movements become natural.

Over the past 10 years or so, running has become a staple of my exercise routines. What started as a training regimen for my future career in the Air Force slowly became a hobby, a discipline, and even a passion. I truly enjoy running now, but the real reason that I run is because I love pushing my limits. I want to see how far my legs will take me and I revel in the accomplishment of a goal that most people wouldn’t even attempt. When I’m in good running shape, I can go for a short 3-mile run and feel great the entire time. But when I’ve taken a few weeks off, my first mile is usually painful and it seems to take forever to find a good groove. The better shape that I’m in, the less time it takes me to find that groove.

A couple weeks ago, I had the opportunity to preach at Destiny Center about “Family Matters: the influence of the family on the next generation of Christ-followers.” After preaching 4 times in one Sunday, I was worn out.  I developed a newfound respect for pastors that preach week after week!  And although it was tiring, I loved every minute of it! I love getting up in front of crowds and sharing the passions of my heart. I left the church that day feeling like I had done a pretty good job. I was grateful for the opportunity and looking forward to my next one.

But a few days later when I watched the video, I realized that my speaking skills still need to be developed quite a bit. The number of “uh’s” and “um’s” were overwhelming… but only in the first 5 minutes or so. Each time I spoke, the flawed time became shorter and shorter.

Afterwards, I realized that my cadence in speaking closely resembled my cadence in running. As I became more rehearsed, the moments of awkwardness before I got in the groove were predictably diminished.

But how do I eliminate the awkwardness from the beginning of my speeches altogether?

I’ve tried rehearsing it to myself. I’ve tried practicing in a mirror. I’ve tried doing dry-runs… all with no success.

I now think that the key to speaking articulately in the first 5 minutes is to become so familiar with your intro that it’s practically memorized. By the time you complete your intro, your nerves will be settled and you will already have hit your stride.

That’s my theory anyway. I’ll let you know how it goes the next time I speak.

How do you calm your nerves before speaking?

Dealing with Bullies

Posted: 19 April, 2011 in Leadership, Parenting
Tags: , , ,
2
Because leadership doesn’t happen in a vacuum or only in a boardroom, this blog will discuss a wider variety of leadership topics, and parenting is one of them.  As a leader, I am passionate about the application of leadership principles, and I believe that our homes are the greatest leadership laboratories that we have available.  Before learning to lead anyone else, I must first learn to lead my own family well.

I heard a discussion on the radio this morning about a radio host’s 7-year-old son who was dealing with verbal bashing by bullies at school. Now, conventional wisdom says that we must fight back and defend ourselves, but is that what the Bible says?

I was surprised by the number of Christian callers (even one of the hosts!) who couldn’t get past the idea of “an eye for an eye.”  They talked about “standing up for yourself” and “teaching the bullies a lesson.”  But that’s not what I recall Jesus advocating when He was here on earth.

In the Garden of Gethsemane when He was being betrayed, Simon Peter tried to defend Him by cutting off the high priest’s ear with a sword; but Jesus rebuked him and allowed himself to be taken.  He allowed himself to be beaten, whipped, and spat upon without any response (even though it was clearly within His power to do so).

Jesus demonstrated a leadership skill that is greater than self-defense.  He demonstrated restraint.

I have to give props to Steve from M88 for sticking with his argument that Jesus would turn the other cheek. He wouldn’t back down from the fact that he was teaching his son to do the same.

When asked how many times we should forgive our brothers when they offend us, Jesus answered, “70 times 7″ (read ‘indefinitely’).  There is no point at which we should stop forgiving and start taking revenge.

Jesus said that we will be hated because of Him.  Why are so we surprised when we’re hated?

As a father, I must teach my children that our response to sin should not mirror the response of the world.  They need to learn that the paradigms that constitute “normal” in our society are not the same paradigms that we live by.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic…

Say NO to good

Posted: 18 April, 2011 in Personal Development
Tags: , , , ,
4

There are hundreds of distractions that attack us on a daily basis. We are bombarded by commercials, infomercials, flyers, pamphlets, leaflets, emails, tweets, text messages, and so on.

We do our best to avoid the mayhem, but we usually succumb to a few of the most appealing options that find their way onto our radar screens. We eat at good restaurants, read good articles, watch good movies, and listen to good music. But when it comes to making decisions about what we should do with our lives, good just doesn’t cut it.

I don’t just want a good wife, I want an amazing wife that I can love passionately.

I don’t just want a decent job, I want a calling that I can pursue zealously.

I don’t just want religion, I want a spiritual relationship that I can experience deeply.

But so often we say “yes” to good because it is safe.

It feels good.

It involves very little risk.

It is easy.

And good is what everyone is telling you to do!

If good wasn’t good enough, then it wouldn’t be good right?

WRONG! Good will destroy you!

Good will steal your passion.

Good will downgrade your dream.

Good will paralyze you with indecision, hesitation, and doubt.

Good is the antithesis of great…

Great requires sacrifice. Great requires pain. Great involves struggle, difficulty, and failure.

But great brings meaning. Great makes you feel alive. And great inspires you to be more than you ever thought possible.

So the next time a good opportunity arises, I suggest that you pass…

Take a chance on great… IT’S WORTH IT!

Go to the Beach!

Posted: 15 April, 2011 in Leadership, Leading Trips, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,
0

After leading my youth group on a mission trip to LA, I came back with a series of Leadership Lessons that have changed the way I think about leading a trip.

You can check out the first 8 posts here: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.  This last post in the series covers the final two lessons that I learned:

Have Fun and Build Your Team

One of the most memorable aspects of our trip was the unabashed fun that we had!  Although I would generally prefer to place the “fun” portion of a trip after the primary goal is accomplished, the first day was all that was available to us, so we took complete advantage of it.

We went to the beach!

Many of the students on our trip had a never even seen the ocean.  That experience, in and of itself, had an impact that will not soon be forgotten.  But since we had not accomplished our mission yet, we also used our “fun day” for some Team Building.

We broke up into the teams that we would be working with throughout the week and tasked the students with getting to know one another.  We created team building activities so that each person would learn the importance of relying on and supporting each other in any situation.  We created a team challenge to further solidify their loyalty to each other and the mission at hand.

If I could do it over again, I would have done more of these activities before we even started the trip!  In retrospect, I view the time that led up to the trip as wasted leadership development opportunities at worst, and wasted planning time at best.  Due to unforeseen circumstances, we were unable to make the teams until the very last minute; but we still could have been planning our team building activities to take full advantage of the precious moments that we had on that first day.

These two lessons had a profound impact on the results of our trip.

Now, three weeks later, our students are refining the trust-centric relationships that were developed on the trip.  Their shared experiences give them a foundation to build upon, and their love for this sense of belonging keeps them coming back for more.

Related Posts:
Know Who You’re Leading
Invest in Organizational Relationships
Prepare Yourself
Plan Flexibility
Make Tough Decisions
Leadership Cohesion
Value Down-time
Choose Wisely

Choose Wisely

Posted: 14 April, 2011 in Leadership, Leadership Development, Leading Trips
Tags: , ,
0

After leading my youth group on a mission trip to LA, I came back with a series of Leadership Lessons that have changed the way I think about leading a trip.

You can check out the first 7 posts here: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Today’s post is on…

Choosing Wisely


Who to take or who not to take… that is the question.

There are two personnel decisions that need to be made prior to embarking on a trip. If you wait until your team has already been established, you’re already two steps behind. Here are the two things you should have already done.

1. Handpick your leaders

Identify the number of leaders that you’re going to need and the positions that need to be filled. Then select each of them yourself. The first part is easy, but the second part can be much more difficult. Sometimes you’ll have to say “no” to friends and colleagues that expect to go because you realize that they are not the best fit for your trip.

This decision cannot be overemphasized. In Good to Great, Jim Collins said that you need to get the right people on the bus… and in the right seats.

Before your “bus” pulls away from the station, make sure you have the right folks onboard.

2. Set high expectations for your participants

In some situations, you can choose your participants the same way you handpick your leaders, but usually you have much less control over this aspect of your trip. To take some of the anxiety out of who your followers will be, I recommend “screening” them by setting a high standard for those that are interested. This could include raising the price, required pre-trip meetings, physical standards, reading requirements, etc. By increasing their level of commitment, you essentially eliminate those who are less dedicated and greatly improve the probability of solid participants.

Learning to discern who is the best fit for your trip is a skill in and of itself. Discernment is a skill that some people have naturally and others have to work hard to develop. As a member of the latter category, I am constantly trying to improve this aspect of my leadership ability.

If you have any insight, I would love to hear it!

Related Posts
Know Who You’re Leading
Invest in Organizational Relationships
Prepare Yourself
Planned Flexibility
Make Tough Decisions
Leadership Cohesion
Value Down-time

Value Down-Time

Posted: 11 April, 2011 in Leadership, Leading Trips
Tags: , ,
0

After leading my youth group on a mission trip to LA, I came back with a series of Leadership Lessons that have changed the way I think about leading a trip.

You can check out the first 6 parts of the series here: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Today’s post is on…

Valuing down-time

In most group traveling situations, there is a specific agenda that must be accomplished in order for the trip to be considered successful. You must attend the conference. You must play the game. You must complete the mission.

However, these basic responsibilities usually only account for about 20% of the trip as a whole. The rest of the time is spent eating meals, hanging out, waiting, and traveling. If this time is spent wisely, your trip will go from good to great, from enjoyable to impactful, from average to life-changing.

Am I implying that it’s possible to lead a trip without any major problems and still lead an unsuccessful trip? Absolutely!

Now you may call into question my definition of success, but if you are not trying to at least maximize the time you have available, I think you’re being irresponsible from a leadership perspective. The down-time that is available during a trip is such an ideal environment to foster leadership development and team dynamics.

Here are a few things that we did to fill the time:
(if we had planned ahead, these could have been even more productive.. hence, lessons learned)

1. Play group games (board games, card games, etc)

2. Create mini-team challenges (ie. team name, slogans, riddles, etc)

3. Tell stories and listened to music (created and shared memories)

In the next few days I’ll be talking about the team building portions of the trip as well as the “fun” aspect that adds an important element to any group adventure.

Related Posts:
Know Who You’re Leading
Invest in Organizational Relationships
Prepare Yourself
Plan Flexibility
Make Tough Decisions
Leadership Cohesion

Older Entries